Post by bandit on May 28, 2007 17:12:52 GMT -5
Caynce shivered slightly, dipping his hand into the fountain despite the fact it was freezing. The coldness of the water, combined with the temperature in the air, made his thin, sickeningly pale fingers numb from the feel of it, and yet he didn't seem to understand what was happening. Caynce didn't seem to know he shouldn't be doing this kind of thing, especially at night. Light gray orbs blinked into the never ending night, the blackness surrounding the small boy. Sixteen and a half and yet short for his age, one of the many reasons he was constantly ridiculed and harassed, yet always seemed to inspire pity from the most unlikely people. Lifting up the sleeve of his jacket, he pushed his hand in more until his entire arm was submerged under the icy cold water, and he waited, just waited for it to get colder so he could know how it felt.
If someone saw him doing this, he guessed, they'd encourage him so he would get hurt. Or maybe they'd take advantage of his weight and size and push him in, letting him sit there in the incredibly cold water until he froze to death. Or maybe they'd take a picture and show it to everyone at school so they'd have another reason to pick on him and made sure he felt he was nothing above that of dirt. So that they would make sure he knew he meant nothing to them, that they wanted him to die, to be gone from this world and then go to Hell to be damned for all eternity. But he only wished he would die. He was thinking like this for more selfish reasons than he'd let onto. Caynce believed he needed to be gone from this cruel, merciless world. He had no mother, had no father, he had never heard of the innocent fairy tales where there's a princess who marries a prince, and they live happily ever after.
But he knew about the Devil, he knew about drugs and sex and about teachers getting so high they had no idea what was going on around them. And why? Because he grew up knowing these things by heart. His mother, he always thought, liked him. At least 'liked' him, which is as close as he got to being loved. She cared for him, she made sure he got what he needed to survive, but she didn't love him. You could, after all, care without loving, but you couldn't love without caring. And that's what had happened between him and the woman he had been able to call a 'mother', but after she discovered his power, to suck the color out of things, she abandoned him. It's not like he could have attacked anyone, not like he could have killed someone. Just because he could make those black and white movies a reality he lost the one person he had thought would always be there for him. The one person who would walk in when the rest of the world walked out.
But he was wrong, and now he felt foolish for thinking like that to even begin with. Now he felt it was a waste of time, all those years of being alive, of breathing and learning, when he could have just ceased to exist. Of course, now he had a family, but they weren't there when this all happened. The poor boy couldn't stand to be touched in any way, the feeling just freaked him out like crazy, but his family said it would be alright. They told him to just forget about it, pretend it never happened. How was he supposed to forget the first eight years of his life? How was he supposed to forget the prostitutes, the doctor, the crumbs his mother was able to put on the table for him? Was he just supposed to pretend that he was born in an orphanage, with no mother or father he knew of? Was he supposed to pretend life was a wonderful thing and that he should enjoy it, when he's wished for his breath to be his last countless time? Caynce couldn't do it, he just wasn't capable.
Suddenly, he pulled his arm out of the fountain, and glanced up at the sky. The stars shone brightly, pure and white and worry-free. And he envied them to no end because of it. All they ever did was sit in the sky and watch everyone deal with their problems and their life, because they had nothing better to do than to shine and twinkle, just like that. Caynce looked away, his gray orbs shimmering as though he were about to cry, because of all the pain that he had been thinking about. Putting down his sleeve and ignoring the fact it stuck to his wet skin, he sat down on one of the benches and buried his face in his hands, the newly formed tears slipping away from his eyes and sliding down his face as he cried, but made no sound. His mouth wasn't even moving, he just closed his eyes, kept his head in his buried, and wept for all the people he knew, for all his sins, and for the fact he was still alive.
If someone saw him doing this, he guessed, they'd encourage him so he would get hurt. Or maybe they'd take advantage of his weight and size and push him in, letting him sit there in the incredibly cold water until he froze to death. Or maybe they'd take a picture and show it to everyone at school so they'd have another reason to pick on him and made sure he felt he was nothing above that of dirt. So that they would make sure he knew he meant nothing to them, that they wanted him to die, to be gone from this world and then go to Hell to be damned for all eternity. But he only wished he would die. He was thinking like this for more selfish reasons than he'd let onto. Caynce believed he needed to be gone from this cruel, merciless world. He had no mother, had no father, he had never heard of the innocent fairy tales where there's a princess who marries a prince, and they live happily ever after.
But he knew about the Devil, he knew about drugs and sex and about teachers getting so high they had no idea what was going on around them. And why? Because he grew up knowing these things by heart. His mother, he always thought, liked him. At least 'liked' him, which is as close as he got to being loved. She cared for him, she made sure he got what he needed to survive, but she didn't love him. You could, after all, care without loving, but you couldn't love without caring. And that's what had happened between him and the woman he had been able to call a 'mother', but after she discovered his power, to suck the color out of things, she abandoned him. It's not like he could have attacked anyone, not like he could have killed someone. Just because he could make those black and white movies a reality he lost the one person he had thought would always be there for him. The one person who would walk in when the rest of the world walked out.
But he was wrong, and now he felt foolish for thinking like that to even begin with. Now he felt it was a waste of time, all those years of being alive, of breathing and learning, when he could have just ceased to exist. Of course, now he had a family, but they weren't there when this all happened. The poor boy couldn't stand to be touched in any way, the feeling just freaked him out like crazy, but his family said it would be alright. They told him to just forget about it, pretend it never happened. How was he supposed to forget the first eight years of his life? How was he supposed to forget the prostitutes, the doctor, the crumbs his mother was able to put on the table for him? Was he just supposed to pretend that he was born in an orphanage, with no mother or father he knew of? Was he supposed to pretend life was a wonderful thing and that he should enjoy it, when he's wished for his breath to be his last countless time? Caynce couldn't do it, he just wasn't capable.
Suddenly, he pulled his arm out of the fountain, and glanced up at the sky. The stars shone brightly, pure and white and worry-free. And he envied them to no end because of it. All they ever did was sit in the sky and watch everyone deal with their problems and their life, because they had nothing better to do than to shine and twinkle, just like that. Caynce looked away, his gray orbs shimmering as though he were about to cry, because of all the pain that he had been thinking about. Putting down his sleeve and ignoring the fact it stuck to his wet skin, he sat down on one of the benches and buried his face in his hands, the newly formed tears slipping away from his eyes and sliding down his face as he cried, but made no sound. His mouth wasn't even moving, he just closed his eyes, kept his head in his buried, and wept for all the people he knew, for all his sins, and for the fact he was still alive.